MONKEY'S JUMBLE SALE

Like The Kinks, I gotta move. Something to do with this new age of austerity I keep hearing about. And a fiscal position. Most of these words are new to me but moving isn’t and having a bit of a life laundry isn’t either. But this time it’s serious. The amount of accumulated “stuff” takes up the best part of a room, and extra rooms cost money. So, it’s got to go. I’m mainly talking albums and CDs (everything must go), books (bar my Beat Generation and Bukowski ones) and DVDs (videos anyone?).

I binned two thirds of my books three years ago and haven’t missed them. Been quite liberating in a way. It only meant re-buying a few when I wanted to read them again. Getting shot of the records is tougher but the pragmatic part of my brain says if I fancy listening to Beggar’s Banquet or Otis Blue then it only takes a couple of clicks on the internet and hey presto. Yeah, it’s not the same: running your finger along the spines, stopping, pulling an album from the shelf, turning over the cover, dropping the record out the inner sleeve, realizing it’s always facing the wrong side you want, spinning it over, placing it on the turntable without leaving finger prints, lifting the arm and plonking it on the edge of the vinyl, the little thud, the crackle, the pop, and Keith Richards cranking up and we’re off. Ah, you can’t put a price on that.

Well, actually you can. About 50p if you’re lucky. One unfortunate side affect of having a clear out is the demoralizing and depressing act of taking piles of your life to second hand shops and dealing with the emotional retards that work there. I’ve some sympathy: queues of numpties getting the royal arse because they’re offered tuppance for their complete collection of Kaiser Chiefs CDs would test the patience of the kindest soul, but a touch of humanity and understanding wouldn’t go a miss rather than being made to feel you’re begging a toothless crack ridden prostitute for a hand job.

Some bits and bobs are going on eBay every few days (advanced search > by seller > markfayre) but it’s such a torturous teeth-pulling exercise it only scratches the surface. So, if you’re missing any volumes from Pebbles or Rubbles collections, if you’re looking for Seeds or Curtis Mayfield reissues, if you’re desperate for '80s James Brown compilations, Primal Scream promos, or you want my Beggar’s Banquet – let me know, otherwise the charity shops of London Town get ‘em.