As Mrs Monkey has vetoed my plan to drape a gigantic St George’s flag from our bedroom window and paint the cat’s face I shall – despite my loathing for most of the players and pathological hatred for others - pledge my allegiance to “the lads” here. As much as I’d love to see match winner Peter Crouch robot dancing in the Johannesburg sunshine with the trophy under his bony arm come the 11th of July as Cristiano Ronaldo sits slumped crying his piggy eyes out, the reality is a Wayne Rooney sending off and my dreams fading faster than his rage. With that in mind I shall also be cheering for Spain, Argentina, Mexico and South Africa.
Altogether now: “Forty four years of hurt…”
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